our missions blog

One of the hardest things i have done

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 14:22:38 +0100

a week ago i got a phone call from my sister in Tennessee. it was the one i had been dreading since the Lord called us into cross cultural ministry over 4 years ago. THIS phone call, was one of my bargaining chips with the Lord when we said yes. THIS was the reason my spirit faltered a bit. “But Lord, what if something happens to my mom and/or dad? How can i be so far away? Won’t the ache be overwhelmingly profound? Will i be able to endure it? Will i feel guilty because i hadn’t spent enough time with them?”

and the Lord said to me very plainly “How much more do I love them, than even YOU? and how much more do i love YOU?”

i knew He would provide. and i knew i could not use my parents as an excuse, nor would they want me to, for NOT going where He called.

But as i received that phone call- do not think for one minute that i did not revisit this conversation with Him.

“See, Lord? I told you! I knew it would happen. i knew i wouldn’t be able to breathe. and here we are!”

and then it happened.........i breathed. or rather, HE breathed into me.

“I think something has happened to mom”, my sister said. She got sent home from work after putting 3 people on the wrong flight. she has worked for the airlines for over 20 years, she has NEVER done that. She is saying things that don’t make sense. She is forgetting people’s names. “Will you talk to her?” she asked.

so she handed the computer to mom, who was sitting in her chair, and when she started to speak, she couldn’t remember ruby love’s name. and her eyes were glazed over. and in the middle of a sentence, she just quit speaking for a minute. she denied having made mistakes at work, or being sent home.

i felt like i was going to vomit. i refused to cry and upset mom, so i calmly asked mom to give the computer back to Heather, and i told them to immediately get her to the hospital.

they did. and a few hours later, my fears were confirmed. my mom had had a stroke.

over the next several days, i navigated medical conversations between her neurologist, my dad, my sister and my mom’s best friend. i waited by the computer almost constantly. she remained in ICU for 5 days, as they struggled to get her blood pressure under control. when they lowered it enough to reduce her risk for another stroke, her mental capacity declined to the point of complete unawareness. after 5 days, they realized in order to maintain her mental state, they would have to maintain her blood pressure higher than they would like, but lower it over the next 2-3 weeks. she is stable now, and should come home tomorrow or tuesday, praise the Lord!

for 5 days i struggled with whether or not i should go home. i know. it seems like a cut and dry case. GO HOME! SHE IS YOUR MOM!

but it is never that easy. we are missionaries. we do not have unlimited resources. i have a 3 year old daughter. do i take her? do i leave her? how long do i go for? is a week enough? is 3 too long? it will be too hard to come back. i can’t do this!!! i can’t do this!!! i CAN’T DO THIS!!!!!

breathe in.

david bought a ticket.

breathe out.

no less than 10 people called and wrote in the next 24 hours asking how they could help. offers to take me to the airport monday morning. offers to walk the dog twice a day, to bring meals, to clean house, to look for plane tickets, to watch ruby love- to PRAY!

i can NOT tell you how beautiful the body of Christ is. when you have no family- they BECOME your family. i didn’t know it was like this. i had never needed anybody like this before. we were born and raised in Nashville,TN. we had a slew of family and friends around. but in this foreign country- when i thought we were so far away from family........here they were. right in front of our faces.

the body of Christ...is a profoundly AMAZING thing!

mom has a long way to go- but God’s fingerprints are all over this. He has sustained her in a hundred ways in the last 8 days, and i am beyond grateful.

so i am going home. to wrap my arms around my momma for the first time in a year and a half. to take care of her, the way she has taken care of us our whole lives. to love on her.

it will be a short trip- with mom as the sole purpose. pray for her. pray for me. pray for ruby love and david. pray for my dad and my brothers and sister.

and praise the Lord for sustaining her. and us.

Order amongst the chaos

Tue, 8 Nov 2011 10:55:42 +0100

i do not write often often anymore about the challenges of living in this country. One, because after 2 and a half years, i am beginning to adapt a little more to their way of life here, and two, because it’s not honoring to the Italian people, and i DO desire with all of my heart to honor them. BUT today...................... i need you to know one of those challenges.

Ruby Love is in school. and we are genuinely excited about that. as a matter of fact, we prayed for just that! Preschool is provided by the government here, and so David and i thought it would be good, for both her socialization, as well as her language. She is becoming more aware of her language deficit in Italian, which is something i never thought would be an issue, since she was only 11 months when we came- but for whatever reason it is, an issue that is. over the last couple of months she has become acutely aware that SHE speaks english, and everyone else speaks Italian, and it has made her increasingly anxious to engage in Italian life here. All of that to say- we felt like it was important for her to start school. SO- God was gracious enough to open the door for her to attend a preschool in the next neighborhood over- and she has been there for 3 weeks now!

we love everything about Love’s school- EXCEPT the drop off and pick up procedure. and i use the word procedure EXTREMELY loosely! Actually- it really, is more a LACK thereof! The thing about living in a beautiful ancient country- is that.....well.... it’s ancient! The gorgeous buildings that strike awe in the hearts of every tourist to pass by this way- are the same buildings that those of us who live here, attend school in, shop in, mail letters from.....you get the point. LIFE ACTUALLY HAPPENS HERE- amongst these thousand year old buildings. And the OTHER thing about these gorgeous ancient buildings is that....well.....they’re ANCIENT. And cars weren’t really around a thousand years ago when they were built. EXCEPT, that we now have to drive our children to said ancient, gorgeous buildings and drop them off at school and pick them up......five days a week.

SO.....what’s the big deal you ask? it’s not like they don’t pave roads in Italy, right?

True!

However- said paved roads are laid in between and amongst thousand year old buildings that weren’t necessarily intended for 2 cars to pass alongside each other as they made their morning commute to drop their children off at school.

ok- STILL, not getting it?

SO- many (ie- the road to Ruby Love’s school) of these roads ARE actually 2 way roads, but are only wide enough for one car to pass at at time. WHICH MEANS, that, for approximately the distance of one mile, driving becomes a high level chess match, where each driver is constantly assessing what the next move is.

some days- you get completely lucky and you escape without meeting any other cars. some days- the level of play is relatively easy.

TODAY- if i WERE Italian- i would have needed to be a master to navigate the road.

i failed.

The fact that i made it through the gate was a miracle in and of itself. and that’s when everything went wrong. i pulled my car to the side of the road and parked, albeit illegally, i THOUGHT it was the acceptable kind of illegal (which TRULY does exist in this country!), but apparently- the RIGHT kind of illegal today, was to pull to the OTHER side of the road, and ONTO the sidewalk. All the other mom’s got the memo. because before i could take my keys out of the ignition, the mom in the car trying to pass me, mouthed and hand gestured her thoughts about where i decided to park. and then, after i got ruby love out of her car seat, grabbed her hand to walk her to her classroom, ANOTHER mom- with 2 small boys in tow- proceeded to let me know what SHE thought about my parking job.

it was all i could do to hold myself together as i walked ruby love into class. which, by the way, was the SAME class room the above mom was ALSO walking her 2 boys too, none the less!!!

i VERY hurriedly took ruby love’s coat off, put her smock on (which they are required to wear everyday over their clothes!) and sent her into the room with big ‘ole tears in her eyes, begging me not to leave.

i REFUSED to cry.

i actually held it together until i got home. and THEN........ i collapsed into a heap.

“it’s not fair” i said. i am NOT a complete moron. there are a THOUSAND processes as i go throughout my day here, that i DO NOT understand, but i am doing the best i can. “it’s not FAIR” i cried again, that Ruby Love has to be the child with the crazy, foreign mom who doesn’t know how to “abide by the rules”, which aren’t really rules at all. “it’s not FAIR” i said, yet again- that i am a 37 year old, master’s educated woman, who does not possess the language ability to respectfully engage in conversation with this lady about the craziness of this process. “IT’S not FAIR”! and i HATE feeling this way!

i WANT to be respectful of her culture. i WANT to know how to do things the right way.

i wanted to tell her that in my culture- i am actually a ridiculous rule follower. i WANTED to tell her, that i NEVER meant to block anybody in, but that i, quite literally have NO idea what to do with my oversized volvo station wagon on these streets. i WANTED to ask her if SHE thought this actually made sense to her. i WANTED to ask her to give me a list of the rules on how to do it- and i would GLADLY oblige! but i couldn’t. the only thing i could do, in my very elementary italian, was apologize, and express my frustration with the difficulty of this process!

i am sure there is a spiritual lesson in all of this. and when i learn it, i will write another blog.

but for today- i am ACUTELY aware that i am a foreigner in a foreign land, and i have NO idea what i am doing.

for today- i just wanted to be teleported back “home” to America. where for all of it’s faults- i GET the rules. even the unwritten ones.

busy season

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 14:38:51 +0200

tax accountants have a busy season, and so do university ministry workers- it’s now. david, ruby love and i, have just returned from a glorious 2 week vacation where we truly did get the chance to rest and relax, and now it’s time to get busy.

the last of 4 STINT (short term international workers) people arrived in Bologna from England today. 3 are from the US and 1 is from England. we are beyond excited to have them here to work alongside us on the campus. they are amazing young people who God gave a vision for the University of Bologna a while back, and we can not wait to watch God use them for His purposes.

there are a lot of details to cover in the next few weeks. they will be living with us and our AGAPE director until we find housing for them, and during this time we will be standing in countless lines, filling out ridiculous amounts of paperwork, getting bank accounts set up, cell phone contracts, as well as a host of other things. all this, while trying to get to work on campus as soon as possible!!! they are jet lagged, but gracious and eager to boot! please pray for them as they make the absurd amount of adjustments required by all living in a foreign culture. please pray with us that they are able to find apartments, obtain permessi and the other important documents required to stay in the country. pray for their emotional and spiritual well being as well.

we are excited. the harvest is plentiful, and for now anyway, the workers are a little less few!!! we are so grateful to God for His provision of faithful workers!!! and we continue to be grateful for YOU- who sustains us all with your prayers!!!!

the dust is settling

Thu, 7 Jul 2011 14:24:58 +0200

The students got on a plane to go home one week ago today! What an amazing 6 weeks it was!!! Even as the Lord was faithful in allowing us to see some of the local italian university students lives to be changed, we watched Him change the lives of the American students as well. i think they went home completely and utterly physically exhausted, but spiritually filled! and i would be completely remiss to say that david and i and the rest of the staff in Bologna were not changed as well!

it can be difficult here, sometimes laboring for months and even years without so much as one profession of faith to serve as encouragement. the soil is THAT hard! those of us who are here though, feel as if we have been called to stay- and continue to live and speak the gospel here until the Lord says otherwise, which leaves the heart and soul parched for spiritual movement. we watched the spirit move this last month and a half- and it was water for the thirsty soul!

over the next couple of months, david and linda and i will be following up with the students who made professions of faith. discipling them and encouraging them to get plugged into a local church. most of them will go home for the summer break- and we most likely won’t see them again until september.

pray for them over the summer. that the Lord will provide each of them with a fellow brother of sister in Christ to encourage and support them where they will be this summer. pray for their young faith to grow. pray for them to be bold in their new faith and steadfast in a culture where their new found faith is NOT the most popular thing in world! pray that they sense God’s nearness and feel His love!

pray for us also. one of the difficulties of this life is learning to balance the down times with the crazy as heck times. it’s almost always feast or famine in ministry here. which can be difficult for 2 secular career 35 and 36 year old americans who equate busyness with productivity with self worth unfortunately. so- with down time, can come feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness. one of the many ways satan convinces us we are worthless for the Kingdom! and it makes me CRAZY angry! pray that we can use this time to refill OUR tanks and allow the sprit to infuse us with Himself! that we are able to “be still, and know that He is God”. being still is just as much a necessary, productive discipline as serving! but it’s one i’m not very good at!!